Arrrr, matey, so you came here looking for a pirate treasure map did ye? Well, you came to the right place. A pirate treasure map is a valuable asset for any self-respecting swashbuckler to have.
 Pirate Treasure Map |
Even if you have no self-respect whatsoever, a pirate treasure map can serve to bolster up yer sagging self-esteem.
Be that as it may, Robert Louis Stevenson said it best in his book Treasure Island, when he said, "X marks the spot!"
No, good authentic pirate treasure map is complete without a large "X" to mark the spot of the hidden booty. Of course, perhaps it was KC and the Sunshine Band who said it best when they said, "Shake, shake, shake, shake your booty!"
But, once again, I digress (which is probably what you've come to expect from me if you've read any other of these pages). Finding a pirate treasure map is a difficult task indeed, matey, since they are not on the open market. A few black market pirate treasure maps used to exist, but the treasure chest and booty was long gone and those maps were useless.
Rumor has it that a pirate treasure map from the 1700's with treasure still buried is being stored under lock and key in a high-security underground vault in the middle of London. By all accounts, this treasure map shows the whereabouts to around $12 billion worth of gold bullion by today's current market value. But, since no one is getting their hands on this pirate treasure map, it is best just to make yer own.
In order to make your own pirate treasure map, you'll first need to acquire some pirate's treasure. The first place for any good matey to look for pieces of eight or nine is eBay. If this doesn't work, then perhaps a midnight ninja raid of Fort Knox is in order. Insider trading is another avenue for pirated wealth.
Once you've acquired a handsome pirate's ransom, the next step is to bury it. The island of Tortuga would be an obvious choice, but then again, the treasure may be found too easily here. Another choice may be St. John's or Barbados or one of the thousand other little island in the Caribbean.
After burying the booty, be sure to refer to your global positioning device for longitude and latitude coordinates that you'll need when creating your very own authentic pirate treasure map. Now, start taking notes and jotting down landmarks as you're walking away from the booty and chart yer course all the way home.
Now, that you've got a rough draft of a bona fide pirate treasure map, you'll wish to transcribe it onto something more authentic. Use a charcoal stick and some artist's paper to draw your treasure map, then crumple it and bake it with the oven preheated to 350-degrees for about 5 - 7 minutes.
Now, that you've achieve a brown and crumpled authentic pirate treasure map you have two options. First, you may wish to bury it in the backyard or local park so that someone someday may just find you map and pursue the treasure. Or, you can jump back on eBay and sell it to the highest bidder. You may even want to have the document notarized at the local bank and authenticated by the regional treasure map agency.
No matter which choice you make my fine and friendly buccaneer, be assured it is the right one, because a pirate's decision is always the right decision. Just ask any scallywag if this isn't so.
